Ask yourself the following question:
Does your relationship make you feel sad and anxious more often than it makes you feel happy and relaxed?
If you answered “yes”, that’s a serious problem. Your relationship should enhance your happiness, not deplete it.
Here are some signs that you’re in a toxic relationship:
- You and your partner fight often.
- You can’t speak freely. You may even rehearse before you talk.
- You have to write your feelings down in an email or a text because talking is too difficult.
- You don’t feel you can completely trust your partner. Something just feels off.
- Your partner manipulates and gaslights you.
- You don’t feel like you are a priority to your partner.
- You can’t rely on your partner to do what he says he’ll do.
- Your partner is jealous.
- Your partner is affecting your relationships with your friends and family.
- Your friends and loved ones avoid spending time with you as a couple.
- Your partner is often critical of you.
- You or your partner gets violent or yells.
- You feel depressed and unhappy a lot of the time.
- You often feel anxious.
- Your partner withholds affection when he’s angry.
- Your partner gives you the silent treatment when he’s upset.
- You don’t feel safe expressing your feelings honestly.
- You’ve broken up and gotten back together more than once.
Here’s another way to determine if your relationship is toxic: Print out a blank calendar template. At the end of each day, color code the way the relationship made you feel. Select the color that correlates with your primary mood. Color the calendar box red if you felt sad, angry, or anxious. Use yellow if you felt neutral. And color the calendar box green if you felt good. Do this consistently, and over time, you’ll be able to see patterns and trends as they develop. If your calendar is full of yellow and red boxes, you’re in a toxic relationship, and you need to break up.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, I’m willing to bet there were signs early on that something was wrong, but you ignored them. Did you sweep the red flags under the rug because you hoped things would change? If you did, you’re not alone. When I ask my clients who were in toxic relationships if they ignored red flags in the first three months of their relationships, they almost always answer “yes”.
It can be hard to understand why you allowed yourself to go down the wrong path when you knew things weren’t right. Please don’t beat yourself up. Even I ignored my intuition and better judgment and stayed in the wrong relationships. When you’re a positive and optimistic person, it’s natural to focus on the good instead of the bad. And if you’re loyal and don’t give up easily, you’re more likely to stick things out. But now it’s time to take stock of your life and take better care of yourself. Staying in the wrong relationship, one that doesn’t serve you, is painful, and over time, it will make you sick.
It’s hard to break up with someone you love. But here’s the thing. You need to love yourself enough to walk away from a relationship that isn’t working. It’s scary to be alone not knowing what the future holds. It takes courage to move on. But staying in a toxic relationship will keep you from meeting the right partner. If you don’t find the strength to hold strong boundaries and move on when things aren’t working, you’ll stay stuck in the wrong relationship indefinitely.
You must only invest in men who are fully invested in you and who treat you beautifully. Next time, you’ll pay closer attention to the warning signs, you’ll have stronger boundaries, and you’ll move on quickly if things aren’t working. When you find the strength to do that, the Universe will deliver your partner to you. Because the fastest way to meet the right person is to leave the wrong person quickly. Even if you’re scared right now, have faith that everything will be okay. You’re stronger than you think. You can do this.
To help you on your journey toward a healthy and happy relationship, it’s my pleasure to gift you my book, Never Waste Time on the Wrong Man Again: A 5-Step Strategic Plan to Stop Wasting Time and Finally Find “The One”.
This book is a game-changer that will help you find the right partner quickly. Please let me know how it impacts your life.
You deserve to be loved right.
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